Prayer

Regardless of what you believe, give me a chance on this one...

When you are a new step-father there are some things you have to have. You have to be fun, flexible, helpful, loving, trusting, and trustworthy. I have personally found those are a whole lot easier to have with prayer.

Example: Trade off who prays at each meal together as a family. It creates ownership, responsibilty, pride, and thankfulness for them. It also makes sure you are having dinner together.

Now, I do beileve there is a whole lot more to prayer. God can take away scars that no medicine can. Most children who have been the product of a divorce have been cut deep. You cannot see what they feel, and until you have been around for years, then you will probably not even be able to tell. However, a way to get it out and to help them heal is to guide them to the ultimate healer. Who better to fix and heal their wounds? If at this point you are rolling your eyes, then please answer me one question. Why are you reading this blog if you already know everything and are fully capable and ready to deal with all the baggage your new kids have hanging on their backs?

Try it and you will become a believer. You may be hesitant but they will thrive in prayer. Here is how it works. You pray first, say something like "Dear God, Thank you for Junior. I am so happy to have met him. Please help us both be happy and have a great night!" If it is with a teenager simply ask them to do something crazy with you. Tell them you would like to pray for them and tell them it would make you very happy if it is ok. If they agree pray something like "Dear God, thank you for Junior. He is a great son and has made my life worthwhile. You know God that I have had my problems, but you have helped me and I want to thank you for healing all my pain from my past and brought me Junior." Junior will try it and make up his own mind.

Give it a chance, you may give the advise to someone else later after you find how much it helps!

Single moms and Step-dads stay strong with a gentle and caring heart! Keep the faith!

TEAM

It is so important to have a team atmosphere when it comes to the kids and the parents. It is even more important for the kids to hear and know that the mom and step-dad are on the same team. Although the kids do not want you to take their place, they do need you to be as close as they are with their mom. How does that work????

Simple, time spent with their mom outside of their hours with her. Mold your schedule to be with her when the kids are doing homework, napping, sleeping, at school, or playing outside. It may be 15 minutes, but a necessary 15 minutes. Remember, you came in late. You are the one needing to make sure you and their mom are fueling the flame of love you have without taking the kids place.

I have said before in my blogs that you need to have a special thing with each kid. That is a vital part of cultivating a relationshop with each one on a their personal level. For that same reason you need to make sure you are not negleting their mom as well. The biggest thing that will help the kids is a set schedule. So schedule in time for each kid and their mom. Stick to it and make sure that you can follow through. If you miss it, you may as well pack it up and quit. To them it as if you lied to them and you will not be able to have thier trust.

Isn't it funny that the things that everyone knows and anyone can do are the same things that kids need? Good dads are seperated by the tellers and the doers. DO, don't TELL!

Single moms make sure you act slow in picking a new husband and father of your kids. Change your criteria that made you pick their other dad. THINK and MOVE SLOW! The kids deserve it. Step-dads watch Jerry McGuire and DO NOT become him! Sounds dumb, but I am serious. It is impossible to become a dad if you do not have a DEEP love for their mom AND them! But there is hope. It can be done with love and effort.