Where are you today?

Today my parents came into town to visit for a few days. It has been full of crazy schedules, food, and lots of time at the park. The one thing that keeps coming up is us all comparing the kids from the last time the grandparents saw them. This is a natural event that happens all the time, but for me this time has been different. Why? Because now we are taking out a report card and talking through why they are the way they are.

Example: My oldest step-son was having all types of rage and breaking things at Christmas. He would get so upset he was uncontrollable for us and for him. Today we look at him and see that he has one minor blow up a week, compared to 3 blow ups a day. These acts of rage are less violent and last less time.

So what does all this mean? It means they are all progressing and learning. They are all feeling comfortable and have found their role in our new found family. You might say that the biological dad is getting in your way of progression. If I only told you our situation you would no longer be able to use that as an excuse. Obviously it makes it difficult to say the least, but far from impossible. It just seems impossible.

As I look at each of my kids it makes me so proud to know they are all doing better and are better off with me in their life. Can you say the same? Regardless of the grandparents being here or not, my wife and I have already set up times when we critique and review our beliefs and make sure our actions are directing us toward our beliefs or away from them. It is a time that also brings us more together and makes me see where I need to spend time.

Our last critique session was in a family meeting with the kids. It started by me asking the family where they think we are good, and where we need some help. The kids had input and so did we. It created the "buy-in" necessary to get the motivation and intensity up to achieve our goal.

The areas of concern were anger, yelling, hitting, kicking, and overall disrespect, . It is funny that they brought up all but one of those categories and they are the ages of 9, 6, 5, and 3. So we came up with some games to help. We took some poker chips and put a basket in the middle of the dining table. Everytime someone yells, kicks, or hits they have to put a chip in the basket. Every Saturday my wife and I decide who put the least amount of chips in and they get all the chips in the basket. They can use all the chips to buy something out of the prize box. If you refuse to put a chip in while you are mad then you are not eligible to win on Saturday. They do not realize that the chip is an action that makes them stop and think about what they are doing without any pressure to change from us.

Step-dads and Single Moms you are needed! You are LEADERS. Chose a path of love that leads to happiness and grade yourselves as a team. Listen, Listen, Listen. Love, Love, Love. God is good, and will give you the focus, skills, and love needed to make their lives better.