Being Intentional

What does that even mean? I heard someone say that we need to be "intentional" with our relationships. It struck a chord with me.

Intentional means that you meant to do it. So you are telling me that I have to be a father, and husband and not be reactive? Case in point: Daughter wears a short skirt. I tell her thats not allowed. She throws a huge fit. I end up saying something that is offensive. She learns nothing.

How about a different approach. A more intentional approach. Sitting watching the disney channel with your daughter. You say "Look at what she is wearing, what kind of person do you think she is?" There you go. She will tell you what she thinks. Ask a lot of questions like "what do you want people to think of you? Well then what clothes do you think you should wear?" Then next time she wears a short skirt you comment is a question "If you wear that what type of person do you think people will think you are? Is that what you want?"


On deeper issues think about what awesome things you can do being intentional. You could be the person that your step-kids come to when they have a problem if you are the one who knows them on a deeper level and are intentionally being a part of their lives. Being there is 50%. Listening is 25% and follow through is another 25%.

Rather then just waiting for them to come to you, make it happen and become intentional.

Be there, be fair, and make them feel awesome at what they do right. Single moms dont lose your focus. You are in the perfect position to have the biggest impact on a persons life. You can be a hero to your kids. Step-dads you have the chance to make a great life for the kiddos. It is up to you to decide who and what you are going to be. You can do it! Love first, Laugh second, and worry about the rest after.

Routine

Yes the same word that makes me bored and tired.

It is so important to keep a good routine to create stability. Thats also what made the kiddos freak out when you started dating or got married. Think of it like this. Lets say you lost your job, and had your car repossed tomorrow. How would you feel? It was out of your span of control and yet it still happened.

My point is this...The kids are not the ones who make the decisions. The decisions that shape their young lives are made by the mom and step-dad. They didn't choose for their parents to get divorced and have to get used to living alone with mom and/or the grandparents. They certainly did not choose for a step-dad to move in. Kiddos can barely take one marriage, much less two or more.

The way to get the house stabilized and become their home again is to create and maintain a routine. They need to know what is going to happen next to settle down, just like you need to have your stability at work to maintain your sanity as well.

There are many areas in which you need to focus and have a "routine"
-bed time (about the same time, place, and order)
-discipline (they need to know what the consequences are before they do the crime)
- eating (sensible meals make sensible kiddos, giving them a chance to make good decisions)

Those are just a few areas but very important to making your house a home.

God is good! Single moms you have so much to offer. Step-dads you have a lot to learn. Hang in there and realize that the kiddos dont need much from you. They need your stability, love, and dedication. Love their mom before them, and be intentional when it comes to your relationships.

Bad Parenting

How many times have you heard someone say "I am a bad parent" or "I have not been a good parent lately"? That is something that comes out of my mouth, and I don't know why. Often when I find the best parents are the ones saying that and the parents that I do not think I want to be like are the ones that I never hear saying anything about their parenting skills. Why is that?

After I hear either of those phrases the question that comes to mind is..."compared to who?" Are you comparing your self to a TV sitcom like the cosby show, the general public, or mabye God (the ultimate father). Deep down I feel like I do the best I can and that I am a good father. But I dont normally compare myself to God. There is a problem with that. The first problem is that the Cosby show was not real and so the situations you are in as a parent do not offer anything that is fair to compare yourself to. The general public is not a good option to do any comparison unless you think daytime television is feeding your child healthy ideas and teaching them the right things.

My point is that we try to critique ourselves yet do not have the right focus. I know we all feel like we are not good enough or fit enough to be as good as God. But there are a lot of things that he has shown and given us that can help in our parenting journey. Everyone says no one is prepared to be a parent. That is so true. Yet when are where do we learn to be a parent. I certainly hope that we are not learning to be a parent from our kiddos. That would be like the blind leading the blind. Most of us probably put together our own little mix from our parents, and what we have seen on TV and from our friends that are parents.

The best parenting skills out there are ones directly from God. He has unconditional love yet is fair and just. He is 100% about us all the time and loves us for who we choose to be. What better parent is there for us to strive to be like?