Arcade

The number one thing I have done right coming into this situation is spending time with each kid. I really do listen to what they have to say and truly enjoy who they are. With the mom I always say "he/she must have gotten that from me." That helps bring together the family. The key is time. Time you spend with them, and time you give them to figure things out for themselves. I guide but do not tell them what to think. If you are really busy like I am there is an easy solution. Each kid gets 10 minutes alone with me each week. They know that is their time and they LOVE it. It doesn't sound like a lot but it is something I have made a big deal over. Then if I can make extra time I like to take them places together or alone.

I took the oldest child to the arcade since he loves video games. He is analytical and worries a lot so to help him break his habits I told him to get in the car. After asking where we were going a million times he realized I was not going to tell him. All I kept saying was "somewhere fun." Without him knowing I was training him to trust me. When I met him he seemed ok, but his worries come from lack of trust. The more I have gotten to know him, the more I have found he needs to have more trust in people.

We get to the nickel arcade and I gave him $5 in nickels and I said "have fun." The blank stare pointed back at me told me everything I needed to know. "Dude go have fun, the only rule is do not leave this place without me. Have fun." I had my own nickels and I was ready to play. The poor kid tells me "what do I do?" At that point I knew was my chance to be a dad. A real dad. WOW. You mean he is 8 years old and doesn't know how to play video games? You might as well have told me he doesn't know how to throw a football (which I taught him at 7 by the way).

I stepped up to the plate and hit a home run. I made a monster out of him. He had the time of his life. In fact, he was having so much fun I had to tell him to not steal other people's tickets. HA! Kids! That is why God's greatest gifts are kids. They love and love and love, and are truly greatful for who you and are and what you do (most of the time).

Lesson Learned: He needs a dad. For me to be a dad to him, I have to put him in situations to trust me one little step at a time and teach him. TIME IS ESSENTIAL! But it needs to be time on THEIR agenda and on their level. It is NOT about you, it is ALL about them.

Single moms and Step-Dads....THERE IS HOPE!!!!!!!