Trust

As you become an instant dad you realize you have no clue what you are doing. In fact, if you talk to any parent that is being truthful, they have no idea what they are doing either. You roll with the punches and try your best. Like any new parent I first looked for any books that would help. After that didn't work, I then talked to a number of people who all told me the same thing. "You learn as you go, the kids will be fine and you will too." That advice did not settle with me very well. So let me offer advice after being in this eventful scenario for about a year and 3/4.

My advice is to build trust with the kids. EVERYTHING they do throughout the day requires them to trust you or they will never let you in. Do not lie. That means even if you gave them a "maybe" answer you need to explain to them how it became a "yes" or a "no." That helps them think through the scenario how you did. They may not agree with your answer, but they will trust your answer. If you drop the word "maybe" out of your vocabulary then you will be much better off.

The reason why trust is so important is so you will be able to do things with them. That sounds dumb but think about it. When mom is not around, how do they treat you? That is a direct reflection on how much they trust you. And boy are there a lot of things you need to do with them without mom, or will she be stressed out. You then will not be helping but just another burden on her. Things like...putting them to bed, nap time, brushing teeth, fixing hair, taking them to the dr., to the park, having them go anywhere with you without mom.

Example: Youngest daughter who is 3 fell into a wall and cut herself above her eye. She let me pick her up, and put an ice pack on. She quit screaming because she knew I was taking care of her. Yet we had to take her to get 4 internal stitches and 8 external stitches. Trust is a powerful thing.

If you have done well then you will hear things like "Can I go with you? Can you do my hair? Will you sing to me so I can go to sleep? I am scared. Can you read to me?" And the best line of all..."I love you."

Lesson Learned: If they trust you they will come to you when they become vulnerable which is when they bond. Then you become a piece of their comfort zone.

Single Moms and Step-dads....TRUST there is HOPE and Believe in your gifts, abilites, and your children. Give them HOPE and there is HOPE for you! Give it all you have got today and make their life today a little better. Because that is what counts! Kisses, Hugs, and the words "I love you" are free to give, yet priceless! God Bless!